Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
