hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
