That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
