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ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
