I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize