i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize