There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
