Just mADE A PArabola og urine
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
