i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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