Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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