I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
as a side note pls kill me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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