im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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