If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
