highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
