Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
