When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
