In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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