I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
