im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
