You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
