well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
