He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
