needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
