miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
