so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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