so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just pee around me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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