The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize