he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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