how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
