Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
