Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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