Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Small penises have feelings too.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
