the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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