i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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