it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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