It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
