I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
