Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
