Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
