I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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