for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
