So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
grandma shit on top of the toilet
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
