I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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