i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize