She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Randomize
