Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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