i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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