she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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