So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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