3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
