So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
