I just made out with a guy for $7.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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