forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
