My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
