if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i out mim tonsoeep
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
