the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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