I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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