i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Boobs speak an international language.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
