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I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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