dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
