well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
