How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
