if you like me you must not know who I am
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
