shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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