who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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