Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I sprained my soul last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
