If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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