K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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