I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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