It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
