I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So vagazzling was a success
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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