i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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