This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
