mondays should just be called national damage control day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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