so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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