i barfeds in our rink
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
