apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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