Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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